Physical and Mental Challenges with HSP

When a person faces a major physical challenge or setback, such as the loss of mobility, he or she faces obstacles that they have never imagined.  At least, that has been my experience.  There are obvious physical tasks that need to be addressed, such as maximizing strength, balance, and coordination. That is relatively easy and straightforward.  Find out what works and do it over and over.

In my case, there has been a much larger and more difficult aspect that needs to be addressed—what goes on between my ears.

There have been many mental obstacles that I have encountered since my ability to move around has declined. The reality that I can no longer walk a distance of any length has been a challenge.  I used to be very active in sports and even ran a half-marathon and participated in a few triathlons.  On a less-strenuous scale, I enjoyed taking my dog on long walks throughout the neighborhood.  I can’t do those things any longer. Heck, it even takes me a while to walk up our driveway to get the mail or go up and down the stairs of our house.  

I have had University of Georgia season football tickets since I graduated way back in the 1980’s and have enjoyed making memories with my family and friends while attending those games throughout the years. “It just means more” 😊.  I parked at the church I attended as a student, walked to my fraternity house to catch up with old friends, and then took the long, hilly trek to the stadium.  No chance of doing that now.  There is no possible way that I can enjoy a fall Saturday in Athens cheering on the Dawgs in-person at Sanford Stadium due to the foot-distance required, plus the fact that there are no handrails in the aisles of the stadium to assist in getting up and down the stairs. 

This reality of no longer being able to attend a large sporting event (or any large event for that matter) hit me right between the eyes when our family made our semi-annual pilgrimage to Starkville, MS to attend the Egg Bowl and watch the rivalry football game between Mississippi State and Ole Miss. We took Uber to get to the game, so it was no problem since the ride could drop us off near the stadium. I could leisurely amble through the sea of people and tailgaters before kickoff. Getting to our seats was another issue.  Our seats were at the top of a section (think row 35 out of 40 rows) where the only option was going up the aisle instead of coming down a few rows from the top.  With my son in front pulling me and my wife pushing from the back, I clumsily struggled to get to our seats.  By their looks and a few friendly comments, people assumed that I had indulged in a beer or twelve and that I was sloppy drunk.  The journey to our seats was neither graceful nor easy. By the time we reached our destination, I was sweating in forty-degree weather.

Once we sat down, the thought crossed my mind “what if I need to go to the rest room?”.  Gravity would take me down the aisle, but I sure wasn’t going to make the ascent up again.  OK, no liquids for me.

The game was a nail-biter and was decided in the last couple of minutes.  With over 60,000 people hitting the exits at the same time, scheduling an Uber was out of the question.   I never want to slow down/embarrass/be a burden to my family and happily agreed that we could just walk back to my son’s apartment, which was about a mile away.  No problem.  I would just suck it up and do it.  Mind over matter.

Wrong.

The disconnect between my brain and my legs was never more apparent. My stride shrunk as the distance grew.  At the end of the walk, the length of my stride was around three inches, and it was an exhausting struggle to keep moving.  My legs just weren’t working, my hips and lower back were killing me, and my body was a stiff as a board.  I was mad at the situation, frustrated, and embarrassed…embarrassed that my wife and son had to see me in this condition, embarrassed that they had to “babysit” me, and embarrassed that I was getting in other people’s way and slowing things down.

If there was ever a “why is this happening to me?” moment, this was it.  It was awful.  

There are other mental hurdles that I navigate. Fortunately, I’ve been able to keep these thoughts at a minimum, but they do creep their way into my brain more than I would like.  Lack of confidence.  Self-doubt and over-thinking things.  Finding “plan B” in my professional life in a role that fits my current situation.  Rejection.  The realization that I cannot do the things that I once did.  Accepting help instead of providing it.  The feeling—whether perceived or real—that I have become invisible to people and they just see a slow-moving man with a cane who shuffles around and not the “real” me.      

Staying mentally strong and positive requires a lot of work.  A lot.  But it can be done. Everyone has different soft spots and areas that can be addressed.  As time goes on, this site will provide suggestions that people can try to improve their physical mobility AND mental health.  Try them until you find something that works for you.    

Stay positive!